"Everybody's Fool"

Perfect by nature

Icons of self indulgence

Just what we all need

More Lies about a world that

Never was and Never will be

Have you no shame don't you see me

You know you've got

Everybody Fooled

Look here she comes now

Bow down and stare in wonder

Oh how we love you

No flaws when you're Pretending

But now i know she

Never was and Never will be

You don't know how you've Betrayed me

And somehow you've got

Everybody Fooled

Without the Mask

Where will you hide

Can't find yourself

Lost in your lie

I know the Truth now

I know who you are

And i don't love you anymore

It Never was and Never will be

You don't know how you've betrayed me

And somehow you've got

Everybody Fooled

It never was and never will be

You're not real and you can't save me

Somehow now you're

Everybody's Fool

The Secret

Finally, i discovered the truth about your indifference.

Funny how narrow-minded people can be.

I should kave known that everytime you guys eat, i should also go downstairs to watch you eat.
I should have known that the right to be quiet at times is only entitled to you.
I should have known that i cannot have my privacy for myself only.

Yeah, i'm sorry. For how many weeks have i not washed your dishes for you? One? Oh, okay, sorry. My bad.
Yes, and i did not listen to your sob stories for seven days. How evil of me.

Sorry.

I forgot how selfish all of you are. Silly of me.

And Kat, i thought for five glorious seconds that you finally came to your senses because you hoped that this will soon be over. But then again, you never failed to disappoint me. I thought for those seconds that you really wanted to regain the harmony between us. But no. What was your reason again? Ah yes, you're birthday's getting nearer. Right. I guess you don't have senses at all.

Well, didn't it ever occurred to those useless brains of you and your gang that my birthday is approaching too and you all are treating me this way? NO.
Didn't it ever occur to all of you that maybe - just maybe - you ought to give me even an ounce of respect to tell me what you really feel about me?
That maybe - just maybe - Mars has reasons why she failed to watch you eat that week. Like studies perhaps? My own problems? My family? My life?

You threatened the only friend i have left in that damned house not to tell me anything. You said you will talk to me anyway. When? In my dreams? Well you can erase that option now because you will not like what you will find in my unconscious.

I'm sorry again but the loyalty of my friend remains with me.

RC, i am really thankful that you became my roommate. You alone keeps me sane from the maddening enclosures of the house. Thank You.

And as for the sore losers, i am waiting for that talk.

Brace yourselves.

Indifference

August 01, 2005. It's my birthmonth. I thought finally, things will somehow go my way since for the last two months my life have been somewhat-bland. I was so ready to make this month "my month". But how wrong i was.

August 01, 2005. I entered the familiar banged door. It still took me five minutes just to open it. I climbed the same stairs. Looked at the same face at the same mirror. Smelled the same orange scent of the familiar room. Everything was the same... yet it was not.

It was not the same friendly house. It was not the same smiling faces. It was not the same booming voices.
No more of the senseless talks about anything. No more of the overflowing rice on the dining table. No more of the warmth I fell in love with since the beginning.

No more of the family i once felt i belonged.

I don't know what happened. One second you are all talking to me animatedly, telling me about your babes, your weekend, your professor, your life. Then almost instantly you cannot meet my eyes. Silence took all of you and left me in confusion, wondering what i've done wrong.

Why?

No matter how i squeeze my brain i could not think of any possible reasons or anything i've done wrong to get your cold looks.

Why?

I thought we were all getting on so well. I thought there's a bond between us. I thought i've already prooved myself enough to be worthy of some explanation to take me away from this miserable feeling of lost. I thought we were friends.

I don't understand.

But every second of the day i am starting to care less and less. Every time i get no answer to my questions i became colder and colder. In every minute i am constantly reminded of your indifference. I am going back inside of the walls i once thought i can get rid of whenever i'm home, whenever i'm with you all.

The miserable feeling is now starting to befriend anger.

You are constantly telling people about your goodness and of how "astig" you are that you will tell anyone how you feel about them. Where is it now? You call yourself frank, tell you what, i call you backstabber. You call yourself honest, but in front of me, you're a bunch of lies. You don't even have the decency to tell me what's happening or if there's a problem with or what i have done wrong to you. You don't even have the decency to let me know.

I am lost. I am confused. I am mad.

How dare you.